


Prank You Very Much

by onekisstotakewithme



Category: MASH (TV)
Genre: A complete and utter lack of love for the mustache feat. Hawkeye Pierce, Bisexual B. J. Hunnicutt, Bisexual Hawkeye Pierce, Episode: s11e04 The Joker Is Wild, F/M, First Kiss, Fluff, M/M, Pranks and Practical Jokes, Pre-OT3
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-18
Updated: 2018-11-18
Packaged: 2019-08-23 00:55:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,008
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16608767
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/onekisstotakewithme/pseuds/onekisstotakewithme
Summary: "I can't walk around with half a mustache, I’d look ridiculous.”“You look ridiculous with a whole mustache.”Hawkeye gets his revenge. Tag to "The Joker is Wild"





	Prank You Very Much

**Author's Note:**

  * For [flootzavut](https://archiveofourown.org/users/flootzavut/gifts).



> As always, for Floot ♥

From the look on his face, Hawkeye can see that BJ isn’t exactly impressed with Hawk playing barber shop on him in his sleep. Hawk has so far restrained himself from commenting on how much better BJ looks without the stupid mustache.

Hawk grins to himself as he watches BJ swearing under his breath, razor in hand. "You didn't _have_ to shave it off, Beej. You know that, right?"

"Are you crazy? Of course I have to shave it! I can't walk around with half a mustache, I’d look ridiculous.”

“You look ridiculous with a whole mustache,” Hawk points out, but thankfully it falls on deaf ears, as BJ continues frowning at himself in the mirror.

“Look at that," Beej mutters, gesturing at the reflection of his lather-covered face. "Do you know how naked my face is gonna feel?”

"Not as naked as I felt yesterday, I bet. Or had you forgotten about _You’re the Tops_?” Hawk asks sweetly.

"You said no hard feelings!"

"My fingers were crossed," Hawk says, casual to a fault, picking up one of his magazines, idly flipping through the smutty pictures. "Besides, I'd _definitely_ call this an improvement. Wouldn’t you?"

BJ turns to give him a dirty look. "Hawk, did you forget I'm holding a sharp object?"

Hawkeye grins. "If you're looking for a compliment on your facial fungus, I'm afraid you'll have to look elsewhere."

BJ rolls his eyes, and turns back to his shaving. "I’m not sure I’ll be able to recognize myself without it anymore.”

The dirty magazine is forgotten as Hawk watches BJ. He can’t help it, it’s become second nature to watch every move his best friend makes.

His eyes are skimming over all the places he'd like to touch on BJ, mouth, and neck and face and jawline... God, how he'd love to press kisses to the corner of BJ's jaw, and feel him squirm in need and want beneath Hawk's lips, love to bite and suck at BJ’s throat, hard enough to bruise, to leave a mark on clean tan skin...

"Oh, and Hawk?"

"Mmmm?" He tears his eyes away, trying to ignore the heat that blooms in his face, only to find BJ watching him, eyebrows raised.

"Having been regaled with tales of many misadventures, I hope you know that this is not your finest work when it comes to pranks."

"Prank? Who said it was a prank?"

"Well, what would you call shaving my mustache?"

Hawk grins. "A public service."

BJ sets down the razor, examining his face in the mirror. “Who the fuck is that?” he mutters, before wiping off the lather.

"BJ Hunnicutt, is that you?" Hawkeye asks, standing up.

His heart twists painfully at the sight of BJ without the mustache, and he can’t help but remember that first day at Kimpo, meeting a beautiful young Adonis of an officer, young and fresh and unmarked by the war in ways Hawk can’t remember ever being. He looks so much younger when he's clean-shaven, and even if Hawkeye knows he’s still the same man deep down, the one who tells bedtime stories with silly voices, the sight is still enough to give him pause. Hawkeye wants nothing more than to stroke a hand down BJ’s face, to have BJ lean into him, both of them savouring the all too brief contact.

"Where have you been all this time?" he asks instead.

BJ crosses his arms. "Planning your painful and early demise."

"How about a thank you?" Hawk asks.

“A _thank_ you? Why the hell would I thank you?”

“Think about it, Beej. If the war ends tomorrow and you go home, Peggy will actually want to kiss you when she sees you. Trust me, if you still had that caterpillar colony on your lip, and I was Peg, I wouldn't let you kiss me no matter what. So really, I just did you a favour.”

"How do you know Peg doesn't love my mustache?"

" _I_ don't love it," Hawk points out. "And since I figured she and I have similar taste-,"

"Ha," BJ mutters. "You and Peg are nothing alike."

"Oh really?" Hawk asks, barely managing to refrain from commenting about how he and Peg must have something in common, considering their similar taste in men (or at least their mutual interest in a certain big-hearted prankster with even bigger feet). 

"Look, Hawk, if this is about the prank war yesterday, I only-,"

"This has nothing to do with the fact that my skinny chicken legs were on display for the whole unit."

"Oh, really?" BJ asks. "Then what _does_ this have to do with?"

“It’s quite simple, Beej,” Hawk tells him, swallowing hard as he steps closer, cupping BJ’s clean-shaven face in his trembling hands. BJ’s eyes go wide as he stares at Hawkeye, the two of them frozen for a moment. And then Hawk smirks, falling back on old tricks. “I only did it so I could do this.”

And then he leans in before he can stop, before he can think, before he can second-guess himself, pressing his lips to BJ’s with spectacular abandon. BJ is frozen against him, and for a second, the world crumbles, Hawk’s chest going tight with the realisation that yet again he’s fucked up something good. And then Beej is kissing him back, his hands reaching up to tangle in Hawk’s hair, and he fucking _sighs_ into Hawk’s mouth, like he too has been waiting a long time for this.

Taking a chance, Hawk deepens the kiss, biting at BJ’s lip recklessly, groaning into BJ’s mouth as BJ tugs on his hair, and it’s glorious and dizzying that he’s really kissing BJ Hunnicutt, those are BJ’s warm and sturdy hands in his hair, and BJ’s lips against his, tasting like everything Hawk has ever wanted, and his whole brain is fucking _singing_ with need and pleasure and pure _happiness._

He kisses Beej hungrily, greedily, like he’ll never get another chance (and maybe he won’t), and nearly melts at BJ’s hands pulling him in closer, like BJ can’t get enough either, like they’re both hungry and wanting and needing each other. But more than that, it’s soft and it’s heartfelt, and it makes Hawk weak at the knees.

When he finally pulls away, breathless, he tries to brace himself for whatever he sees on BJ’s face, tries to prepare himself for anger, for disappointment, because BJ kissed him back but it doesn’t mean anything, not if BJ doesn’t want it to-

BJ’s face is completely lit up like a Christmas tree, a smile like sunshine on a clear Maine summer day against the sky blue of his eyes. “Hawk,” he says, breathless adoration in his voice, and he shakes his head. “ _God_ , Hawk.”

And the absolute reverence in his voice is almost enough to convince Hawkeye of what he’s long suspected: that whatever this is, this huge and overwhelming _something_ he feels for BJ, is somehow mutual.

BJ reaches for Hawkeye, pulling him into a fierce and achingly tender hug, his hand coming up to cup the back of Hawk’s head, fingers slowly stroking Hawk’s hair. Hawk nearly cries as he presses his face into Beej’s shoulder, inhaling the warm clean scent of his best friend. He isn’t sure he’s ever felt more loved, and maybe the ground here is shaky, but he’s safe in BJ’s arms.

“Did the mustache really bother you that much?” BJ asks, voice soft, and it sounds like something that’s bothered him for a while.

“Well…” Hawk swallows. “Beej, the mustache just... makes you look older.”

“Thanks, Hawk,” BJ says dryly. “Really know how to flatter a guy.”

 “No, Beej, that’s not-” Hawk sighs, and shakes his head. “I guess I just… miss the days when this war hadn’t gotten to you yet.”

“The way it’s gotten to you?” BJ asks, still stroking at Hawk’s hair. Hawk briefly pushes into his touch like a content housecat, and they stay like this, wrapped in an embrace that Hawk would be content to continue for the rest of the war.

“Yeah, the way it’s gotten to me. I’m fine if I don’t leave with all my marbles intact, but having to watch as it got to you… it hurts, Beej. Because I can’t stop it. I can’t protect you the way I want to.”

“ _That’s_ why you hate the mustache?”

“Well that and it’s clearly an abomination,” Hawk tells him, and BJ laughs. “But don’t worry, you somehow make it look almost decent.”

“I’ll take that into consideration,” BJ tells him with a dry laugh. “When I grow it back.”

Hawk groans. “Oh God, Beej, please don’t.”

BJ’s laugh is a tonic, a panacea to a thousand aches and pains and woes that plague Hawkeye, and it’s something Hawk could listen to forever. “I’ll see what Peggy says. She gets a vote too you know.”

This is an unpleasant reminder, a little bit of reality washing up on the shores of a temporary oasis. “Uh, Beej… listen,” Hawk starts, but BJ has to have some inkling about what he’s going to say, because he hurriedly cuts Hawk off.

“She knows, Hawk. We’re okay.”

Hawk blinks, and then it sinks in. “ _What_?”

“She knows, Hawk,” and BJ sounds dangerously close to laughing. “Peggy knows.”

"Could you repeat that? I think the war was in my ears."

"Hawkeye," BJ says, his voice soft. “You know I could never keep anything from Peggy. She knows my mind better than I do sometimes. Especially when it comes to love.”

“BJ, I- I don’t understand.”

“Our Peg is no fool, and well… she gave me her blessing months ago.”

“Her blessing,” Hawk repeats. “Her blessing to what, to cheat on her?”

“No!” BJ says, sounding surprised. “God no, Hawk. It’s not like that.”

“It sounds like it is,” Hawk says quietly, not meeting BJ’s eye. This is nothing he hasn’t heard before from lesser men and women, but somehow it hurts more with BJ.

“It’s like this: Peggy knows about my feelings for you, yes. And she knows and I know that it doesn’t change how I feel about her.”

“So…” Hawk trails off, feeling hopeful. “We’re okay?”

“We are _so_ okay, Hawk. Trust me.”

“And this is what you want?” Hawk asks. “What Peggy wants?”

BJ laughs. “Aside from Peggy, I’ve never wanted anything more.”

Hawkeye has to swallow hard against the emotions clogging his throat. “Are you _sure_ that this what Peg wants?”

“Yes. She was starting to get frustrated with you, you know. Thought the war would end before you got up the nerve.”

“Beej, I…” Hawk stops. “I don’t know what to say.”

BJ hesitates. “Hawk… what do _you_ want?”

“Don’t you know?” Hawkeye asks in return. “It’s _you_ , Beej.”

"That's good to know," BJ says with a laugh, relaxing against Hawk in relief. Hawk has to close his eyes for a second, and BJ asks, “Hawk? You okay?”

Hawk’s overwhelmed with gratitude to BJ and to Peggy, Peggy whom he’s never met, who sounds like the bravest (and possibly most insane) woman he’s ever met, and someday he’ll thank her properly. “Thank you, Beej.”

“You’re welcome.”

“And uh, listen…” He swallows hard. “You know I love you, right?”

It’s a secret he’s been carrying around for almost two years, pretty much since that first week, if not the first day he met BJ Hunnicutt. And he can’t take it back, but he isn’t sure he wants to.

“I know.” BJ’s voice is warm and full of love. “I love you too, Hawkeye.”

They’re quiet for a moment, locked in their embrace, and it’s enough for Hawk to be deliriously happy. He still doesn’t understand everything, not yet. And maybe he doesn’t need to.

Hawk grins to himself. “Maybe I should shave your mustache more often, if this is the result.”

BJ laughs, wrapping his arms tighter around Hawkeye and presses a kiss to the top of his head. “Oh Hawk, _what_ am I going to do with you?”

“I have some ideas...”


End file.
